Hello again my readers! I'm sorry to inform you that the blog post I have in store for you all today may bring your depression levels to an all time high (because let's face it, what good blog doesn't do that?). Yes, we are revisiting some of the most depressing kids' movies of all time. How they were shown to the under 12's I do not know, and how they're not scarred for life is another question all together. Without further ado, here they are in no particular order. . .
Do I even need a further explanation? 'Bambi' is renowned for being one of the most depressing movies ever, let alone kids' movies. It's all going swell for everyone, until BAM, Bambi's mum bites the dust. Seriously, what is wrong with you Disney? Why just go and ruin million of children's lives? Shame on you. And it's not like Bambi's mother could've just died of natural causes or something, oh no, that would've been too jolly for that saddest Walt Disney, she had to be brutally shot. Granted, you don't actually see it, but that doesn't make it any less depressing. I've heard all these stories about kids getting all cray and hysterical while watching this movie, and I don't blame them, it's awful! Who kills off a deer in an animated kids' movie? It's just wrong.
Bridge to Terabithia
Once again, need I say more? What starts off as your typical 'loser meets hipster' movie, quickly morphs into something super depressing and gloomy. It starts off fine, this boy named Jesse meets this girl named Leslie who welcomes him into her little enchanted land called 'Terabithia' (hence the title). They become friends, they have fun, you know, just normal, happy movie stuff. Everything's seriously all hunky dory until the rope Leslie's swinging on to get to Terabithia breaks and she's dead. Dead! Not even just severely concussed, dead! They kill off the one character in the entire movie who was supposed to be this carefree figure and show everyone different ways of looking at the world. But no, they just couldn't let her live. Even Zooey Deschanel agrees that it was a major downer, and she was in the movie!
I mean, I get that it was a book first, so it's not really the movie's fault for sticking to the plot line, but still, it's awful and shouldn't exist.
Yep, it seems that death is some kind of theme in this list. Who would've thought that kids' movies with major character deaths would be considered depressing? I think we all know the story of Charlotte's Web. You know, helpful spider befriends nice pig, then helpful spider cruelly dies in the middle of the story. The death of Charlotte legitimately crushed the dreams of so many children. What is wrong with the world? Seriously, why can't everyone just live. If I were the writer of Charlotte's Web, I would just write a story about a spider and a pig who formed an unlikely friendship and then spent the rest of their lives yoloing together. It would've been the best story ever, but no, death had to be the outcome. I don't even like Wilbur, he's super annoying! If the pig had died, it wouldn't have been as sad. Why kill off the all-knowing female character? It's just sexist.
Even though the majority of the movie isn't actually all that depressing, the first 5 minutes have well and truly earned it a place on this list. It starts off with all these little flashbacks of this old man's life. You see that he met this girl when he was young, and then you see them grow old together and it's all really nice and cute. Also, one of the first things you have to understand is that I seriously love old people. They're cute and little, and always tell odd stories, what's not to like? So when we find out that the old woman died, leaving behind a bitter old man, well that was just awful. I seriously couldn't even enjoy the rest of that movie because of the first 5 minutes. Why couldn't Pixar have just let the old people be happy together? Sure, it would've been a pretty boring movie, but who cares, they both would've survived!
First thing's first, I hate this movie. Not just because it was depressing, I just seriously hate absolutely everything about this movie. With pretty much everything else on this list, despite their admittedly majorly depressing moments, I still thought they were pretty good movies. But this, this was just awful. First of all, who thought that a futuristic, mainly silent robot would be a good idea for a movie? Secondly, why is there no speaking in the film for basically the first 45 minutes? That doesn't entertain anyone. And when the dialogue begins, the movie doesn't get any better. It's all about this dystopian future where all humans are morbidly obese and floating around in chairs. I have to admit, the thought of never having to exercise again is pretty tempting, but having to become a 'Biggest Loser' contestant lookalike? No thank you.
Where the Wild Things Are
For the life of me, I cannot tell you any major plot points of this movie. The only thing I remember is leaving the movie theatre on the verge of depression (and probably insanity). I know that there was a kid in a costume, and a bunch of weird, creepy animals with him in some sort of forest that sporadically turned into a desert (because that's obviously logical). I honestly can't even remember anything else about it. All I can tell you is that the movie is actually just the worst thing to watch. It sucks all the life out of everything ever. I'm pretty sure that it could've actually legitimately given someone depression it was that bad. Apparently it was supposed to be some kind of deep and meaningful metaphor for the human condition, but I honestly don't even care, it was just so dismal it was ridiculous.
So that's (thankfully) the end of my list. Hopefully I haven't forced too many of you to turn to anti-depressants after reading this. Feel free to continue your ordinary lives now, and maybe make a vow to never watch any of these movies. Til' next time . . .