Hello blogosphere, welcome back! Sorry about my major, just under two week hiatus. What's my excuse? Truth is, I've just been lazy. But to make it up to all of you readers out there, today, I thought I'd directly address the know-it-all inside me (and hopefully, you), and indulge in some of the hardships that come along with it. Everyone who's magically immune to channeling their inner smart-aleck often doesn't understand the pain we have to endure to appear to be a normal, but I'm here now to unveil this for all to see. Without further ado, let's get cracking . . .
1. When you get the Overwhelming Urge to Correct People.
Trust me when I say that I can definitely vouch for this one. I mean, it's just so difficult to resist the urge to correct people when they, say for example, mis-pronounce a word, or incorrectly use grammar. And really, is there anything wrong with rectifying people's mistakes? Surely you think they'd be grateful. After all, you're just trying equip them with the correct vocabulary every human should strive to obtain. But no, unfortunately it ordinarily doesn't go down so well. Whether it's a spelling and punctuation error or simply a linguistic oversight, in the words of Rizzo from 'Grease', some people are so touchy.
2. You Really Enjoy Being Right. Like, a lot.
No one wants to admit it, but that surge of self satisfaction you feel when proving someone wrong is almost worth the massive argument you have to go through to get your point across (or at least the amount of internet you waste proving this to be true). Come on, smacking people down with the power of your knowledge is really just one of the best feelings a person can experience. However, this doesn't always go over so well with your friends. You get called all kinds of things, from 'argumentative', to 'competitive', but really you just feel you're being a Good Samaritan and trying to better their education by gracing them with your superior wisdom. No matter the consequences, I think this one is just every know-it-all's secret guilty pleasure, and there's really no denying it.
3. Trying to Seem Cool Headed Around People You've Only Just Met is Really Hard.
When you've become accustomed to speaking your mind around the small group of people you know, it becomes super difficult to seem normal around those you've just met. However, that doesn't mean you go down without a fight. Once a new person is thrown into the mix, I always try so hard to be a normal, rational human who reacts totally normally to things. So you end up just kind of bottling up all your rage, adopting a ridiculously grumpy demeanour and refusing to talk to people for the rest of the day. What's the end result of that? Newbies just end up thinking you're a whole different, I-hate-the-world-and-people-around-me type weird, or possibly even worse than that, they think you're just shy.
4. When People Try and Best You, the Monster Within you is Released
I have one word for you, 'Glee'. It's my thing. Absolutely, 100%, I know more about it than anything or anyone else in the world. Sorry Gleeks, you've met your match. Luckily, the majority of people around me know their place (either that, or they just don't care, which is probably more likely), but there are those few over the years who have tried to test me and reign supreme, and I am actually a bit ashamed to say that the person I become when everything I know to be true is challenged is not someone you want to be around. It's like some weird protective instinct that causes a gigantic, terrifying beast to take over my body and crush people (with words of course) into a blithering pulp. Luckily, this scarcely occurs, as people ordinarily just understand that I'm as Gleeky as it gets and I can manage to feign normality for 99% of the time, however when it all goes down, boy, does it get cray.
5. You're Always the First Person to Grace People with Fun Facts
To me, this seems perfectly fine, but apparently to some, sharing your knowledge with the world is perceived as cocky. I don't know, people just suck, but that's the way ordinary (subpar) humans are. It's only natural for us know-it-alls to get our Stephen Fry on and let the world know that dolphins only sleep with one eye open, or that koalas can give you chlamydia, but no, common folk either don't care or adamantly protest your awesomeness. But have no fear, there are people like you out there who are dying to spread around their exciting factoids, so just keep doing what you're doing and play the ignorant card.
6. Being Wrong Sucks
Just like being right is one of the best feelings a know-it-all can have, being wrong sits firmly at the other end of the spectrum. Of course you try and play it off like it doesn't phase you at all, but let's be honest here in our safe haven that is the (super public) internet, it is the worst thing ever. Everything you think you know you begin to call into question, and you begin to wonder if you've been living a lie your entire life. Plus, having your pride severely wounded for everyone to see brings along with it a significantly high embarrassment factor. Though generally, being a labelled as a know it all tends to mean that you do in most cases have the correct answers, so luckily, this only occurs rarely (therefore only heightening the blow).
And I leave you with that folks. Hopefully you've either been able to find parts of yourself on this list, or at least found a place deep within that understands the emotional turmoil us smart aleks are forced to endure on a daily basis. Til' next time . . .