Greetings again readers! Today I've decided to access my (not so) inner critic, this time taking to the mainstream music currently topping the iTunes charts. Perhaps take a browse and determine which songs are for you, and which songs to maybe skip out on. Before I even get close to the fun part (which is of course judging everybody else who isn't me), here are the current top 10 in the iTunes single charts in Australia.
I have to admit, I haven't actually heard of all these songs. How? What kind of life do I lead? I honestly don't know, but I've somehow managed to largely evade mainstream popular culture without becoming a total hipster. Therefore, my music scope is rather narrow (in the awesomest kind of way). However, to make this a fair fight, I've decided to judge all songs simply from the 1:30 snippets iTunes provides. Will it all be worth it? You'll have to stick around and find out.
10. Bad (feat. Vassy) [Radio Edit] - David Guetta
To be completely honest, from what I heard in that one minute thirty, I really don't know how this qualifies as a song. Seriously, in the words of Jenna Marbles, what are this? It legitimately starts off to a completely techno beat, before what sounds to be Alvin and the Chipmunks join in with something that with wishful thinking, can almost be described as melodic. How is this popular? I do not know. Sometimes I worry for our generation. What kind of people find this style of music (if that's what you can even call it) appealing? I mean sure, I understand that it's David Guetta, and that he's a DJ and all that, but seriously? He should've just stuck with 'Titanium' a lived off the profits that he gained from that for the rest of his life.
9. Fancy (feat. Charli XCX) - Iggy Azalea
Although I didn't vaguely recognise the title at all, I actually am, believe it or not, somewhat familiar with this song. Could I recite any of it? Absolutely not. However, that doesn't mean I don't like it. I have to say, despite myself, I do actually like this song. There's no doubting that Iggy's rapping is pretty top notch, and the melody in the song doesn't disappoint (despite the monotony). I mean I still have absolutely no idea who Charli XCX is or whether not they were even in the song, but that doesn't matter, I like it all the same. Plus, Iggy Azalea just happens to be Australian, and of course I have to celebrate a native celebrity!
8. Geronimo - Sheppard
I most certainly have heard this song. Everywhere. For the past month. Constantly. Do I like it? I haven't decided yet. Yeah sure, it's ridiculously catchy and gets stuck in your head for hours on end, but is that pleasant? Not particularly. I actually prefer the verses to the chorus, because when that main riff kicks in, I just want to claw my eyes out. Maybe that's just me, but I just find it so predictable and monotonous that I can't deal. Besides that, I guess I can't really find anything wrong with it, except for the fact that once you've heard the first 1:30 iTunes snippet, you've basically heard it all. It just keeps going and going, until you really don't care about it at all. But as I say, it's probably just me.
7. Am I Wrong - Nico & Vinz
For this one, I am relying purely on the iTunes preview, because believe it or not, I have no idea what this song is. Was listening to it particularly worth it? No, not at all. I mean, don't get me wrong, there wasn't anything that stood out as being terribly unlistenable, but on the other hand, there wasn't anything that stood out at all. It is legitimately one of the most boring songs, I seriously don't know how it's so popular. It just keeps plodding along and doesn't ever change, I mean is melody these days seriously out of the question?
6. Waves (Robin Schulz Radio Edit) - Mr Probz
Meh. That pretty much sums this one up. It wasn't awful, it wasn't fabulous, it was just a song. I can see why people go for it, considering it's got a strong backbeat and a repetitive melody that seems to be all the rage these days, but am I a huge fan? Not really. The tune's okay, but as I say, the repetition is killing me. Also, why would someone want to write a song about waves? Surely writing about anything else, like radioactive dinosaurs or something would be far superior to a song about oceanic processes, but whatever. Also, I really want to find out what exactly the radio edited out. Variety perhaps? I just don't know.
5. Problem (feat. Iggy Azalea) - Ariana Grande
This song is definitely my favourite on the list. I know it's mainstream, but you've gotta love it. It's just so catchy! And isn't it the perfect car song? The one you jam to when you think no one's looking (when they actually are and are silently judging you). I actually love it so much. It grows on you, it really does! Plus, you can be a real dweeb and start jamming to both the ridiculously high poppy parts and the groovin' rap part (and yeah, I used the word groovin'). In the words of Hannah Montana, you get the best of both worlds. It honestly pains me to be so in sync with the masses, but there's no doubting the greatness of this song.
4. Faded - ZHU
This song seems to have a kinda weird techno vibe. I can't really tell you if I've heard this song, because it's just one of those totally forgettable things, but is it totally unenjoyable? By no stretch of the imagination. It's a bit weird, but good weird (in an electronica dance music kinda way). I can't tell you whether or not I like the song, nor the the gender of the lead vocalist, but it's certainly different, which I can respect. If you were out there living your life on the dance floor and had just done some seriously intense fist pumping, this song would be a nice one to just chill out to and lower the roof just a tad before launching into another energetic dance spree. Would you download it? Maybe not.
3. Chandelier - Sia
I'm just going to put it out there, after 'Problem', this is probably my second favourite song on the list. Again, it's just super catchy. I am honestly ashamed of my appreciation of mainstream music, what kind of nerd am I? But legit, it's a good song. Do I know any of the lyrics at all? Absolutely not. It's kind of sad really, because before this blog post, I didn't even know the song was called Chandelier, I seriously had no idea. Maybe it's because Sia doesn't annunciate particularly well, or maybe it's because I have some sort of hearing impairment. Whatever the reason, it hasn't hindered my ability to recognise the awesomeness of the song. In fact, the single's just so good you don't even need to have a vague idea of the lyrics to enjoy it! Plus, Sia just so happens to be the second Australian singer on the charts, so I can't help but feel a little bit of patriotism settle in.
2. Stolen Dance (Radio Edit) - Milky Chance
This is once again one of the songs I had never heard before, but I have to say, as an impartial observer, I quite liked this song. It's a bit quirky and doesn't feel horribly horribly mainstream (despite the fact it now is). Plus, it's by this little out-of-nowhere alternative pop folk group from Germany, so of course it isn't riddled with awful bass drops and horrendous auto-tune, which is of course a massive bonus. I would actually almost consider downloading it, if it weren't for the fact that I don't ever listen to that kind of music. All in all, I was pleasantly surprised.
1. Que Sera - Justice Crew
Surprisingly, the song that's at number one is no where near my favourite on the list. Is the song okay? Sure. Is it any more than that? Not really. Sure, it's got an okay tune that just keeps on repeating itself, but I'm not a big fan of it. Especially when the chorus kicks in, it's just so cliche and quintessentially pop centric that you want to strangle whoever's singing it (however, that's probably just me and my homicidal tendencies that seem to pop up). Saying that, as it has reached number one on the iTunes charts, I guess it would have to be pretty popular for some reason, so maybe there's just some greatness there that I'm not getting (either that, or Australia's stupid).
So that's the end of my ridiculously judgemental song reviews. Perhaps I was able to inform your decision and ensure that you don't waste your next iTunes gift card on unlistenable music, although knowing me, I was probably just being a harsh critic. Now I suggest you go get downloading! Enjoy your lives. Til' next time . . .