Thursday, 16 January 2014

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse

Hello again my readers! As you can probably already tell from the title, today I'm going to be gifting you with a super informative post about how to survive a zombie apocalypse when it inevitably comes (because let's face it, of course it will). Who knows, this post may in fact just save your life. You're welcome in advance.

What we know

Okay, so considering zombies aren't technically real, I'm just getting pretty much all my information from popular culture. Anyway, here are the attributes we currently know zombies posses . . .


- Zombies can't run
- Zombies can't swim
- Zombies can't climb (well)
- Zombies can die from a blow to the head


- Zombies can see better than humans
- Zombies have a better sense of smell than humans
- Zombies have acute hearing, and follow sound
- Zombies can only die from a blow to the head

So from this list, it seems that zombies and us are kind of even, although in an apocalypse it probably won't seem that way. But whatevs, now we know what they are and are not capable of, we can get to the important stuff. So without further ado, here are (in no particular order) some tips which just might save your life . . .

Your Ultimate Zombie Survival Guide- Tips for Living a Human Life

Invest in some Anti-Bacterial wipes

Let's face it, zombies are super nasty, disease infested creatures. So what better product to cart around, am I right? As bacteria ridden goo seeps out from their eyes and ears, and all kinds of fluid secretes from their mouth, just whip out your Purell sanitising hand wipes, and there's no way you'll become infected. 

Avoid all Supermarkets

Yep, you read that right. Everybody's first instinct of course would be to go to the supermarket. I mean, sure there's heaps of food and heaps of water, but chances are, there are also probably heaps of zombies. If you were a zombie, where would you first look to find humans? Oh yeah, probably the only place that conveniently stores everything they need to survive. Just think, if you go there looking for food, so will the zombies, case closed.

Wear Appropriate Footwear

Chances are, in a zombie apocalypse, you're going to need to do a lot of running. Luckily, zombies can't move very fast, but that doesn't mean you're in the clear. If you're heel breaks while you're making an escape, it's dinner time for the undead. So women and cross dressing men, stick away from the high heeled shoes and maybe invest in some ski boots shown above. Why ski boots you ask? They have a lot of advantages. They're fairly easy to run in, they're waterproof, and they're designed to last for a long time, it's win-win.

Always Do the Double Tap

Yep, this one's straight from 'Zombieland', the double tap. When you're killing a zombie, don't just shoot it once and hope for the best. To ensure that you don't become a zombie snack, shoot it twice for good measure. Or even better, run it over with your car, there's no hope for them then. 

Raid your local Service Station

Luckily, thanks to service stations, you can basically fix your food and water problem without going to the zombie infested supermarket. Sure, there'll probably be zombies at the the service station, but let's face it, in a zombie apocalypse, there are probably going to be zombies everywhere. At least here there'll be a smaller concentration of them. But seriously, there's heaps of food, heaps of drinks, and there's heaps of petrol so you can re-fuel your car. You'll be set for life. 

Get A Boat

This may seem pretty strange, but think about it, zombies can't swim. So if things become extreme in the apocalypse, and there's absolutely no other escape route, just hop into a boat with your food and water supplies, and you're set. Who knows, maybe you'll row somewhere zombie free and start a new life. Or possibly, you'll go mad at sea. Either way, you'll be rid of those zombies in no time. 

Stay Prepared for Anything

This rule (besides not getting brutally attacked) is probably the most important of all. You need to stay on top of things and plan ahead. The one advantage we have over zombies is that we aren't brain dead (unless of course you're actually Paris Hilton, then there's no hope for you). So, put your brain to good use and stay one step ahead at all times. Plan your escape routes, have back ups of everything, and map out your area. Because I'm super awesome, I've decided to help you out a bit. Here is your ultimate zombie apocalypse map that you must remember to keep with you permanently (in the apocalypse that is, don't creepily carry it around now, because that would be super weird). Use it wisely. 

So that's pretty much the end of my zombie apocalypse survival guide. You're welcome. Of course, if it turns out that you're facing the zombies from 'Warm Bodies', then just ignore all this and strike up an in depth conversation with the undead, that should do the trick. 

I hope you enjoyed my random little zombie post. Who knows, I may have just majorly helped everyone out. 

Teenage Fanatic, saving lives since 2014. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

1 comment:

  1. I really like your blog. check mine out
    I would really love to see your comments and advice :)