5 Things Wrong with 'Fifty Shades of Grey' (Aside from the Subject Matter)

Blogosphere, welcome again! I'm officially now back at school which is depressing, but I promise to do my best in providing you all with new posts while I suffer as a student. Although the holidays are over, they were not in vein, because I did indeed get around to binge watching a number of TV shows and movies - one of which being 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. Please, before you judge me, you have to know that I had no intention of watching this, ever. Honestly, this wasn't my fault! I was at my friend's house for a sleepover, and unfortunately when it came to picking a movie, I was outvoted. So in the end, I did see the film, and yes, it was horrible. Obviously the abusive and non-consensual elements of the plot are totally flawed, however what's wrong with the film extends well beyond that. I'm choosing to focus on some of the shortcomings of the film adaptation rather than the actual book, which means that it's subject matter is something I won't be dealing with. Because believe it or not, that's almost the least of its problems. Intro over with, here they all are . . .

1. The Portrayal of Anastasia

Look, I'm not saying that I blame Dakota Johnson entirely, because it would be unfair to say that the poor portrayal of Ana in the movie is all her fault, however I guess she was a contributing factor. Believe it or not, what I'm talking about here is not the acting (although that wasn't exactly top notch either). No, the real problem was the fact that Anastasia was so damn weak. I get it, even though girls are entitled to be strong, they also have the right to be fragile (basically because we're fricken awesome), but this was seriously just a stereotypical depiction of how misogynistic men perceive women to be. Legit, she can't even form a proper sentence when she's first in Christian Grey's presence because his supposed power over her is apparently super intimidating *cough* sexism *cough*, and pretty much throughout the entire film, she never thinks for herself, but basically lets other people's decisions rule her life. The irony however is that the original book was written by a woman! Was this a deliberate, feminist critique of our patriarchal society? Sadly, I think not. Talk about that awkward moment when women start to believe the 'idealistic' image invented by sexist men and then reaffirm and perpetuate it themselves. On behalf of E.L James, I apologise to the women of the world.

2. The Portrayal of Christian

What often gets over-looked when people are insulting the atrocity that is the 'Fifty Shades of Grey' trilogy is that not only does it set feminism back 40 years, but it is also simultaneously sexist towards men. Some of you may be thinking, 'but how? he's so dominant and powerful', and that is exactly my point. Don't you think society has moved past the whole thing where we believe a man's sole role is to be strong and 'masculine', and totally oppress all women? I mean, what constitutes being masculine anyway? Basically just according with a bunch of random standards we've decided to make up and regulate by pretty much ostracising anyone who dares to break the mould. But come on, it's the 21st century, I think it's time we give it a rest and just go with the flow. You want to be a man and be brave and tough? Go for it. You want to be a man and be emotional and vulnerable? Totally cool also. But this movie basically makes out that to be considered masculine, you have to be rich and powerful, own a lot of aircrafts, and clearly assert your dominance over those feeble, pesky females. I don't know about you, but personally, I'm kind of sick of being oppressed, and I don't think the 'oppressors' are crazy about it either.

3. The Dialogue

Not gonna lie, the dialogue happens to be both one of the best and worst things about this movie. It's the worst because it's horribly written and literally makes you cringe to have to hear it uttered aloud, but is also simultaneously the best because it's so terrible that you just have to laugh. If you've (unfortunately) seen Twilight, it's really not that different. Like seriously, it's the worst. Don't believe me? Christian Grey literally, I kid you not, refers to himself as fifty shades of effed up. And that's just the icing on the cake. Every line is so predictable that as we were watching it, my friends and I were literally yelling the next lines at the TV, and the sad thing is that 90% of the time we were correct. This is something that's so bad it defies description, so if you really want to take a look at the appalling dialogue, you'll have to watch the film for yourself (although I advise against it, because why would you want to put yourself through that?). 

4. The Implausibility

Okay, in addition to the characters and the dialogue being terrible, turns out the plot itself is totally and utterly unrealistic. If you have no idea what happens in it (like me this time last week), basically Anastasia, a college student, is asked by her roommate, who majors in journalism and pops up randomly in the story for no apparent reason, to go and interview Christian Grey, a super powerful businessman who apparently has heaps of time on his hands to stop and chat to university students. She asks him a bunch of questions (making sure to dramatically trip on the way in and nervously bite her pencil just to ram home the fact that she's totally helpless and weak), and somehow, from that 2 minute chat, the guy is hooked (even though she has no personality and literally has nothing to set her apart from any other girl ever).  

Then, naturally, he somehow finds out where she works (because apparently being an important business man is inconsequential to the story, so he can just leave whenever he likes and work around the hours she spends doing her part-time job at the local hardware store), gets her number, makes plans to grab coffee, and then totally rejects her. Why? Who knows. Anyway, he then seems to forget that he told her to back off and starts sending her random gifts, which leads to her drunkenly calling him from some club and whining at him, resulting in a very angry Christian Grey. Turns out the guy's okay with S&M, but alcohol is a no-no. He then gets weirdly possessive and demands to know where she is, and somehow, after only being given the hint 'I'm not in Seattle', he finds the exact club she is at in a matter of minutes. I mean, I know the guy is rich, but having his own telepathic and teleportation technologies is a little excessive even for him, don't you think? To be honest, I can't remember exactly what happens next (because I've probably tried to block it all out), but somehow, they end up flying around in a lot of helicopters and aeroplanes, despite the fact they never actually leave America, and only go places that would be about 15 minutes by car, but whatever, he's rich, so his unnecessary fossil fuel emissions are totally fine. After that, he then goes on to show her his weird BDSM lair (which she is surprisingly okay with), and I think you can fill in the blanks from there. 

Reading that, the plot probably sounds super ridiculous. Well, that assumption is correct, it truly is. I can assure you, I have not exaggerated anything, that is actually what happens. I honestly don't know how the book ever got published in the first place, and I certainly have no idea why anyone would want to turn it into a movie, and why Melanie Griffith's daughter would want to be in it. But, it happened, and all we can do now is warn others to steer clear of it. So please, don't come close to watching this non-sensical rubbish like I did, save yourselves. 

5. Everything

Literally, there is nothing good about this movie. I don't know why it exists. 

So basically, all in all, what I'm trying to get across to you is that you should definitely avoid 'Fifty Shades of Grey' at all costs if you get the chance. The only thing I find vaguely impressive about it was that it was able to insult every group on Earth in a mere 125 minutes. It's offensive towards all women, all men, anyone with intellect and people who are rational - I mean, that's quite an achievement.

Well, that's all I have in store for you. Hopefully you found this post to be vaguely entertaining or at the very least informative, and do everything in your power to ensure that you never have to sit through this film (if you can even call it one). Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

2 Year Anniversary: Cory Monteith

Hello again readers! I'm back again and ready to blog, however today, I'm understandably not exactly in the best of spirits. I know it's hard to believe, but 2 years ago today, we found out that the tall, awkward Canadian we'd come to know and love was no longer with us. It was seriously awful for Gleeks everywhere, and 730 days later, not gonna lie, I'm still in denial. Of course I had to post something, however instead of being super depressing and ensuring that your day is horrible, I thought I'd post some happy stuff instead to make everyone a little less miserable. Without further ado, I present to you the top 7 fun facts about to Mr Monteith . . .

1. He's Actually Super Smart

Despite (expertly) playing the dumb jock stereotype to a T on 'Glee', in reality, Cory was actually pretty nerdy. I kid you not, in his youth, he used to pretend to go to asleep when his parents were in the room, but snuck encyclopaedias under the covers to get in a little extra learning. Plus, he just so happened to be at a 4th grade reading level in Kindergarten, leaving us mere mortals behind. As a nerd myself, I totally commend him. 

2. He was nominated for a Grammy

I don't even know how, but for some reason, the fact that 'Glee' was a total smash at the Grammys seems to fly under the radar. Not everyone knows this, but Cory was nominated for a Grammy for lending his voice to 'Don't Stop Believin', which as you well know, pretty much became the show's unofficial anthem. For someone who previously didn't consider himself a singer, that's pretty impressive. 

3. He's Ridiculously Witty

In interviews, Cory was always sure to come out with some awesome, occasionally inappropriate one-liners. Before 'Glee' even came out he was on a roll, describing it as 'if High School Musical got punched in the stomach and had it's lunch money stolen', which there's no denying is actually pretty accurate (considering both are totally on point). Not to mention his eagerness to participate in Ellen's hilarious yoga room sketch. Basically, what I'm trying to say is his sense of humour pretty much puts everyone else's to shame. 

4. He's Dedicated

Literally, to audition for 'Glee', Cory drove for 20 hours from Vancouver to LA. That's crazy right? But it doesn't stop there. He didn't have enough money with him to stay at a hotel, so slept in his car on the side of the road somewhere in Oregon. Also, throughout the journey, he managed to learn all of the songs from 'Rent' and the Billy Joel's biggest hits so he'd have something to audition with. No doubt about it, that's certainly commitment.

5. He's Actually a Drummer

Sure, we all know that Finn has a knack for drumming, but turns out, Cory does too. In fact, prior to 'Glee', he'd never actually sung before, so instead of performing a song for his audition, he submitted a video of him drumming on tupperware he had lying around his kitchen to prove that he had some sort of musical talent. Plus, he just so happened to be the lead drummer in his band 'Bonnie Dune'. 

6. He's a Massive Vancouver Canucks Fan

I mean, seeing as he's Canadian and all this shouldn't come as a surprise, but I do appreciate a good fangirl (or in this case, fanboy). And he wasn't simply just a fan, oh no, he was a major, die hard supporter, and that I can respect. 

7. He's Had So Many Jobs

Seriously, never has anyone ever been employed so many times. Cory has tried his luck at greeting people as they enter Walmart, being a taxi driver, a roofer, a car washer and also driving a school bus for a day care. Finally, he chose acting, and I think we can all agree this was for the best. 

BONUS: Cory's Last Tweet

Brilliant, just brilliant.

This is where I'm going to bring the post to a close. I hope that this has managed to make Gleeks everywhere a little less upset today, and that his awesomeness has entertained you all. As I said cheesily last year, and will continue to remind you all, don't stop believing! Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

Questions 'Pretty Little Liars' Fans have Definitely Asked

Welcome once again blogosphere! Today, since I'm on a bit of a blogging roll, I thought I'd appeal to all you PLL fans out there. I know I'm certainly one of them, and I thought we could have a little bit of a heart to heart. It may be a fabulous show, but we have to admit, it has one significant problem. What is this you ask? Well, simply the fact that WE STILL DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! It's literally been 5 seasons, and yet, to this date, the only A reveal that's turned out to be correct, is Mona, which doesn't even matter anymore because she's turned over a new leaf. I mean, we still love PLL anyway and will never ever stop watching, but you have to admit, it can be a little frustrating. So today, for all of you, I've decided to list some of the questions that all Pretty Little Liars fans have asked at one point of another. Intro complete, here they are . . .

1. I'm not even kidding, who is A?

At the end of Season 2, it seemed as if all of our hopes and dreams had come true. Finally, Mona is A! But wait, there's more, the answers kept coming! Bam, Toby is A, Ezra is A...except, they're not. Okay fine, but at least we still have Mona right? Wrong. Turns out, she's totally reformed. So what do we know now? Absolutely nothing. 

2. How many copies are there of that ugly yellow shirt?

Seriously, it's everywhere. A must have a truckload of them. 

3. Who even is this person?

There are literally so many characters on the show, it's hard to keep track. 

4. Is [insert character here] dead?

I'm pretty sure every character has been dead at one point.

5. Do you think that [insert character here] is actually alive?

Who knows? Probably. 

6. Are the girls ever going to graduate?

Seriously, they've been in their senior year since season 3.

7. Please, for the love of everyone, can they not just tell they're parents?!

The show would definitely be a whole lot shorter.

8. Is Jenna still blind?

Honestly, who knows?

9. What does A even have against the girls?

Like seriously, they're 16, what could they have possibly done to warrant all of this?

10. How did Alison even get friends in the first place?

She's truly horrible. 

11. Did we ever find out who Red Coat was?

Was that Season 3 and 4 storyline just irrelevant? And what about Black Veil?

12. What is Aria wearing?

Literally, I think this in every episode. 

13. How much money does A have?

They actually have so many lairs, and were able to intricately recreate all 4 of their bedrooms in the 'dollhouse'. Where does this cash come from? And why spend it on this?

14. Actually, how much money do the girls have?

Considering Rosewood High has a ridiculous amount of dances and fashion shows in one year, the girls all seem to be dressed up to the nines. 

15. How are the girls not dead yet?

All 4 of them have had so many near death experiences, and they've literally come so close to A, so really, how are they still breathing?

16. What actually was Ravenswood?

They just went to a random supernatural town to look for clues, and then they were like 'nah, never mind, let's go back to Rosewood'. 

17. Sine when were they together?

There have been so many relationships over the course of the show, I forget about them all the time. Do you remember when Hanna and Wren were together? Yeah, neither do I. 

18. AM I A?!?

I'm seriously questioning it. 

So that's all I have for you! I can probably think of at least a dozen more, but I think I better stop there. PLL fans, you probably know where I'm coming from with this list. It can be hella frustrating sometimes, but at the end of the day, it's all worth it. The show is, after all, super awesome, so I think we can forgive it for messing with our minds. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx  

Tony Awards 2015: Best and Worst Dressed

Readers, hello and welcome! Considering I have been pretty slack this month, my aim is to pump out as many blog posts as I can before we officially say goodbye to June. So what better way to do that then discuss the fashion we saw at my absolute favourite award show of the year? You guys, the Tony awards are magical. Kristin Chenoweth and Alan Cumming were phenomenal hosts, and if you didn't watch it, you are really missing out on life. In order to celebrate this wonderful event, I've decided to list for you, as always, who I feel were best and worst dressed. So without further ado, here is my judgement . . .

Best Dressed

Jennifer Lopez

So much yes. There's no doubting that J-Lo always kills it on the carpet, but at the Tony's, she looked particularly awesome. The colour of the dress is super nice, and the pattern I feel is very appropriate, considering she was there to present a number from 'Finding Neverland'. She looks elegant and pretty, and in the best way possible, a little retro. Overall, a definite success. 

Elisabeth Moss

 

Honestly, I think Elisabeth Moss looks really lovely. It's pretty, it's young, and it's kind of like a breath of fresh air. I mean, it's summer after all in the US, so florals are super appropriate for the season. It literally looks as if she's just come from a tea party, and honestly, I'd say it's pretty hard to fault. All in all, a fabulous ensemble. 

Rose Byrne

I don't know why exactly, but I really do like this. It's a bit unusual, and ordinarily I'm not sure I would be a fan of the style, but for some reason, I just think it looks really cool. It was a bit different which I liked, and Rose really looks great in red. Maybe it's my Aussie pride, but I really can't get over how great this ensemble is. Honestly, a massive winner in my books. 

Helen Mirren

I don't know about you, but I know that I definitely want to be like Helen Mirren when I grow up. Come on, she looks awesome! Her dress is fabulous, and she totally rocks it. For 69, she really knows how to work a carpet, and I'm not even kidding when I say I'm a little bit jealous. She just looks super pretty and awesome, and reminds me a bit of a fairy godmother. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that she totally killed it.

Kelli O-Hara

I cannot see a single flaw in this outfit. Not even kidding, Kelli looks super great! The detailing on the dress is gorgeous, and the colour, although a bit unusual, totally works. It is a perfect combination of hard and soft, with the structured torso and flowy skirt, and she just looks amazing. In addition to looking fab, she also happened to take home the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Musical for The King and I, so there's no doubting that this was a pretty good day for Kelli O'Hara. Overall, the whole ensemble was wonderful. 

Worst Dressed

Keisza

I honestly don't even know where to start. First of all, who is she? Secondly, why? Why would someone want to wear this on a red carpet, to the Tony awards no less! I'm all for quirky fashion choices, but Keisza (if that's even a name) looks horrible. She honestly looks as if she slapped on a sheer, full body stocking, and accidentally ran into a kindergarten classroom, where toddlers went on to stick random paddle bop sticks, cotton buds and feathers to her. Clearly, her hair somehow managed to suffer in the altercation as well. If this is the case, I totally forgive her, however I highly doubt it is. 

Emily Skeggs

Okay, so this one isn't totally out of the box, it just manages to be horrible within the box. I mean, if she wanted to take a fashion risk I would commend her, however her outfit manages to be awful and boring at the same time. The style of the dress is tired and overdone, yet the pattern is purely atrocious. Honestly, to me, this is the worst kind of mash-up there is. 

Rita Wilson

Ugh, gross. I just, I want to know why. Why would you dress like this? There is honestly nothing nice about this ensemble at all. If you look closely, even the pattern is horrible. The style is definitely not flattering, on anyone, ever, and she manages to look like a conservative dominatrix, which you think would be an oxymoron, but somehow she nails it. The sequins look tacky, the neckline looks super weird, and not in a good way, and even her hair doesn't look nice. I'm sorry Rita, but eww. 

Ruth Wilson

This is really hard for me because I love pink so much, but this is just a no. The colour is fine, if you're Barbie, but unfortunately on anyone over 6 who is not at a dress-up party, it just looks tacky. The dress seems detached almost, and has two clashing ideas going on at the same time, yet even individually, both of these ideas happen to suck. The top of the dress is form fitting and conservative, which looks gross on any formal dress, but when combined with the shapeless, sweeping skirt, it looks even worse. Ruth, this look just isn't working out for you. 

Bee Shaffer

As Anna Wintour's daughter, you'd think Bee would know a thing or two about fashion, but evidently, this isn't the case. This dress, for lack of a better word, is just gross. The pattern is truly horrible, the shape (or lack thereof) is definitely not flattering, and the hair makes her look super harsh and old. It screams grungy mermaid, and that is never a good thing. Sorry Bee, better luck next time. 

So that officially brings you to the end of my list. Hopefully you agree with my picks, and if not, feel free to express your opinion in the comments section. Before you go, I urge you to watch the 2015 Tony Awards for yourself and experience its extreme awesomeness first hand. I promise, you'll thank me later. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

'Let the Right One In' vs 'Let Me In'

Blogosphere, hello and welcome back! Today, in order to be a part of a project set up by the awesome translation company Smartling, I've decided to comparatively look at the Swedish film 'Let the Right One In' (2008) alongside the American remake 'Let Me In' (2010). Yes, they are indeed both horror movies (which I am admittedly not the most avid viewer of), however given that the super cool plot line of the films outweighs the fear factor, I was able to sit through them without suffering from a potentially life threatening cardiac arrest (which, you know, is definitely a bonus). I have always found the idea of international remakes pretty cool, because it means that everyone around the world is able to connect with the same storyline, however sometimes they don't quite work out as planned. In this post, I'm going to give you guys my own evaluation. Does the American remake do justice to the original? You'll have to wait and see.

Differences Between the Two Films

In order to make a judgment, I've decided to list some of the differences between the films to see whether anything vital was lost in translation. 

The Style of Storytelling

In 'Let the Right One In', the film moves rather slowly, as the rate at which the audience gradually discovers everything parallels the journey of the characters. However, in 'Let Me In', the plot is non-linear, as the film begins in what would be the middle of the story, meaning that as we make our way through the movie, the audience has more knowledge of the events that will transpire than the characters. Although these differences are seemingly inconsequential, they really do change the feeling of the two films. The original Swedish film seems a bit more intimate, and at times, more straightforward, while the style of the American one leaves the audience unsure of the film's themes at times, meaning that we have to think a bit harder throughout. Which is better? It's honestly hard to say. Overall, I'd say that despite the approach being very different, they're both equally as effective.   

The Car Scene

Although the plots of the two films are practically identical, and often can be found paralleling one another on a scene by scene basis, there's one in 'Let Me In' which does not feature at all in the original. Of course, it is in the same style and accords with the overall atmosphere of the Swedish film, however it incorporates some references targeted to resonate with an American audience. Without giving too much away, it's the scene in the movie where the father messes up a kill and has to disfigure himself, and trust me, it's sure to stop anyone who intends to walk to their car alone at night. The scene occurs around a typical American automobile, so you can be sure that the take home message is that things in America are not as they appear to be, this being done by perverting a national icon with violence and gore. Point America!

The Neighbours

In 'Let the Right One In', there is an awkward sequence in which some adult neighbours are seen hanging around at a bar and at each other's houses, before one is attacked by a blood-thirsty Eli, another is turned into a vampire, and the rest are attacked by a pack of CGI cats. Why? No one really knows. In the American remake, there are still some adult neighbours around, but they become more like caricatures of what suburban adulthood is supposed to entail, and act as a warning for the father, who does not wish to end up like them. Although in 'Let Me In' one of the neighbours does get bitten by Abby, they are not then attacked by a horde cats, which I think we can agree is for the best.  

Budget

While 'Let Me In' is by no means an extravagantly expensive film by Hollywood standards, its budget was much larger than its Swedish predecessor 'Let the Right One In'. In the remake, I can admit that you can definitely see a difference. Abby's transformation is much more convincing and, if it's even possible, realistic, and the prosthetics on the father when he's in hospital are definitely convincing. However, in the American film, it becomes a bit much when you see fight scene after fight scene, while in the original, what was not seen on camera, and therefore, was unknown, made parts of the story much more menacing. All in all, I'd have to give this round to Sweden. 

The Setting

Where a film is set is definitely a contributing factor that relates to the themes it deals with and the overall atmosphere of the movie, meaning that the creative decision to set 'Let Me In' in 1980's America makes it significantly differ from the original. Throughout it, there are a bunch of pop culture references, including Owen's obsession with Now & Laters, frequent images of Reagan popping up, as well as the ubiquitous 80's catch cry 'It's 10pm. Do you know where your children are?' broadcast on TV. It may not seem like much, but the setting helps to enhance the juxtaposition between seemingly wholesome American suburban life and the dark themes of the film. Then again, 'Let the Right One In' is effective in its own right, so deciding which setting is superior isn't really possible. 

Conclusion

Overall, taking into account all of their differences, I would have to say that these two films are pretty even. I know, I know, it's a boring outcome, but hey, it's true. Not often does international cinema translate well into English, however somehow, this film is an exception. The two are very similar, but differ just enough to make them awesome in their own right. All in all, I suggest you check out both films, however if you only get time to watch one, you can be sure that they are of equal quality, and tackle the same themes awesomely.

That's pretty much all I have for you. Hopefully you enjoyed my comments on the effectiveness of the translation of foreign films, and have some new movies to check out in your free time. Thanks again to Smartling for pioneering this project! Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx