Hello blogosphere, and Happy Valentine's Day to all! I'm not gonna lie, I don't think much of this holiday at all, but that doesn't mean I'm going to refuse the opportunity to grace you all with a new blog post. So today, in a slightly cynical fashion, to celebrate this day of romance, I've decided to list some of the worst and most embarrassing Valentine's Day stories known to man. Sound good? I think yes. So without further ado, may I introduce to you these stories from hell . . .
1. Cheesecake Dilemma
The first story is from somebody called Teresa Tree, and she says that on Valentine's Day, instead of getting the usual things like flowers or wine, her husband of 3 years got her cheesecake. Sure, that doesn't sound too bad, in fact, it actually sounds pretty great, except for the fact that she's lactose intolerant and highly allergic to eggs, soy and milk. They divorced later that year. Coincidence? I think not.
2. Used Ankle Boots
Nothing says romance like second hand footwear. According to Michelle Carillo, her high school boyfriend thought that purchasing some used ankle boots was the best way to go about ensuring that love is in the air. I mean, he even went to the trouble of coating them in shoe polish, how fancy is that? Let's face it, nothing says love like presents from a yard sale.
3. Bad Chicken
Just a heads up, this story gets ugly very quickly. This girl's story starts off well when her boyfriend offers to make her a home cooked meal consisting of chicken stuffed with cheese and vegetables. Sounds pretty nice right? Wrong. After they've finished eating, he begins to feel sick, and spends the rest of their Valentine's night in the bathroom vomiting until about 4am. Wow, there's nothing like Salmonella to kill the mood. So remember boys and girls, the moral of the story is to always wash your hands when you cook chicken (and that's coming from a vegetarian).
4. Slimming Club Membership
I think we can all feel what's coming with this one. On Valentine's Day, Naomi Brash's date showed up at her door, no, not with flowers or chocolate, but with a slimming club membership card. Well this one pretty much takes the cake. I mean, offensive much? Really, word to the wise people, this is not a good move. Any bets on how long that relationship lasted?
5. Ironing Woes
Before we begin, prepare to lose all of your faith in humanity. In Melinda Cooksey's sad tale, she says that when she showed up to her boyfriend's apartment with a nice new shirt, he gave her an ironing kit as a gift, and promptly requested that she iron it for him. I mean, newsflash, this isn't the 50's, sexism isn't cool anymore. This really isn't a great way to get in the romantic mood. Understandably, they broke up the next day.
6. Fast Food
There's nothing like the smell of a fast food establishment to get you in the mood, right? According to Denise, her boyfriend's grand gift to her was dinner at a fast food joint of her choice. If I'm being totally honest, that wouldn't exactly be the worst thing in the world. But wait, there's more. Turns out, he conveniently forgot his wallet at home, and therefore she ended up paying for it all.
Congratulations, we've now reached the end of my relatively anti-Valentine's Day post! You can now all be comforted by the fact that no matter what happens today, it can't get any worse than this. Til' next time . . .