New Girl Recap: Season 3, Episodes 4 and 5

Hello again! I feel that I should inform you that I am not in fact dead, nor have I been abducted by aliens. My exams have finally finished (actually they finished last week, but hey, I needed a breather) and now I'm catching up on so many things that I've missed out on! I feel like I'm always super delayed with my recaps (probably because I am). But never fear, my 'New Girl' recaps are here, despite the episodes having come out a million years ago.

Anyway, without further ado, here's what went down . . .

The Captain

Okay, so the episode began with Nick and Jess doing their usual relationship-py stuff (as per usual), while Schmidt was listening in from his spot in the living room beside Winston. Of course, Schmidt is complaining about it, but Winston says that he's had to deal with it for a while now, and now Schmidt finally has to endure the couply interactions now that he's single. Always one to wallow in self pity, Schmidt briefly goes on about his failed relationship with both Cece and Elizabeth that blew up in his face last episode, before informing Winston of his plan to break Jess and Nick up for revenge. He doesn't really seem to notice (or care), suggesting that Schmidt should just lay low, and invest in some sort of relationship survival kit. When the happy couple finally emerge from Jess's room, Schmidt gets all passive aggression, before Winston gets weird and the title sequence commences.

During dinner, Winston once again has to endure the coupley behaviour of Nick and Jess, despite the fact the two know that they're kind of 'super annoying' to be around. This doesn't phase Winston, as he just whips out Ferguson the cat (on the kitchen counter- hygiene for life). He then goes on to tell this dramatic story of how Ferguson is being forced to get neutered at the vets, and that the cat will never get to enjoy the simple pleasures that life has to offer. Nick and Jess jokingly suggest that Winston should set Ferguson up with some female cats before the time comes, which he literally takes on board. Schmidt then comes out, cake in hand, as he creepily wishes them a happy 1 month anniversary. Naturally dubious at first, the two question him on his motives, to which Schmidt replies that he doesn't want a milestone like that to go uncelebrated. Jess decides to tuck in anyway, while Nick goes to confront Schmidt in his room. While in there, Schmidt manages to get into Nick's head, discreetly pointing out his lack of relationship experience, the fact that he'd normally be over thinking things, and frequently bringing up words like 'love' and 'the one'. This seems to effectively freak out Nick, as he leaves the room kind of anxious.

As expected, Nick and Jess seem to encounter some relationship problems after this. Jess then tries a variety of tactics to spice things up, ranging from sultrily reading an Indian take away menu, painting herself blue to look like Papa Smurf, and punching Nick in the face (at his request). None of these seem to work, and just end up making things worse.

We then see Winston at the vets, looking around at prospective feline partners for Ferguson. When it seems like he's found a good candidate, this mysterious cat's owner conveniently enters the clinic. When Winston propositions the idea to her, she seems the think that he is trying to (really badly) hit on her, and instantly agrees.

Back at the loft, Schmidt once again plans to shake things up and swoops in on Jess while she's having breakfast. Tricking her into thinking that he can legitimately help with their relationship issues, Schmidt goes on this rant about how men need 'danger and variety' in their lives, suggesting that she undertake something called 'The Captain' with Nick. Of course, we have no actual idea what this entails, Schmidt conveniently using the blender rather loudly as he explains to Jess its intricacies. All we really know is that its offensive, degrading, and incorporates a variety of dolphin sounds. Just as Schmidt runs in to tell Winston of his near success in breaking up Nick and Jess, Winston seems to be prepping Ferguson for his date in his room, luring him in with catnip and pictures of bikini clad human girls with the face of a feline. It's all a bit weird.

And now, the time has come for 'The Captain'. Jess walks in on an unsuspecting Nick, wide-eyed and ready for the kill. Beginning with the greeting 'Ahoy Nicholas!', we all know that this is going to be good. Great even. And then . . . we see absolutely nothing. Forever, what 'The Captain' entails will be a mystery to all. All we see is a very awkward post-Captain Nick and Jess.

Apparently, it is also time for Ferguson's date. Winston opens the door, eyes fixated upon 'Fatty' the cat. Suggesting they take a step inside his room, it seems that the cat's owner is still under the impression that Winston is interested in her. They continue on with what she assumes to be flirtatious innuendos, officially making things super hard to watch as well as sort of confusing. The cats don't seem to mind however, as they run off and do their own thing, leaving Winston and the fellow cat owner alone.

We are now back with Nick and Jess, who start to awkwardly try and talk about things after 'The Captain'. All in all, it seems that they are just as uncomfortable about it as we were. Of course, Nick has trouble expressing this (as he does with any feelings), and just settles for an uneasy grunt. Jess kind of takes it personally, assuming that she must've done 'The Captain' incorrectly. However, when she asks for pointers, it seems that Nick has never heard of said Captain, and finally all the pieces fall into place. Schmidt. In a rage, the couple exit their room and confront Schmidt. After feigning innocence (unsuccessfully), Schmidt reveals their fatal flaw- communication (or lack thereof). Jess talks about her feelings all the time, while Nick never says anything ever. He then goes on to suggest that they just break up and go back to being roommates for the benefit of the entire loft. And then finally, Nick gets the floor, being asked to express how he feels about the situation. As expected, he turns into a yammering mess, unable to form any coherent sentences. Just as we think there's no hope, Nick steps forward and says that he does in fact have feelings. In that moment, it is as if everything that Nick has ever felt before in his life comes spilling out. We learn that he (obviously) didn't enjoy 'The Captain', the fact that he likes Jess, a lot, and that he really loves the instrument of the Cello. Of course, Schmidt is livid, his plan having backfired completely. He then decides that the only thing left to do is act as a physical barrier between Nick and Jess, awkwardly wedging himself between them.

All of this commotion seems to be too much for the feline date, the cats splitting up upon hearing the ruckus. As expected, Winston spazzes out, completely oblivious to the flirting from the owner of Ferguson's prospective partner. Just as this happens, Schmidt continues to go absolutely cray, throwing random things around the apartment, before making his way into the bathroom and threatening to eat Jess's birth control pills. Despite both Nick and Jess's protests, Schmidt did it anyway, just in time for Winston and the cat lady to come running in. Understandably, they were kind of confused, but somehow it didn't seem to phase Winston for long, as he went right back to yelling at them for disturbing the mood for Ferguson and Fatty. And just like that, it dawned on cat lady that Winston was actually trying to find a partner for his cat, and not for himself. She stormed out in a huff (Fatty in hand), before Winston called an official loft meeting.

Everyone had gathered together- Nick and Jess happy with their strengthened relationship, Winston kind of regaining his sanity, and Schmidt worried about whether or not he'll turn into a woman after his significant increase in oestrogen levels. Winston took charge, bringing up some issues like personal space (directed at Nick and Jess), and the taking of other people's medicines (directed at Schmidt). Finally, Winston tells Schmidt that he needs to deal with his failed relationships instead of blaming them on other people.

It seems that Schmidt has taken on board what Winston said, as we then see him trying to slip a note under Cece's door apologising for the part he played (i.e. the only part) in their break up. Just as he does so, he sees the door about to open, so bolts away and hides in the stairwell, just in time to see Cece walking by with her new man as she reads his note. It almost looks as if there is a slither of hope left for Schmidt, as Cece states that it's 'just what she needed', before putting her chewing gum inside it and throwing it in the bin. So much for that.

Back in the loft, Nick and Jess are having a little 'feelings' talk, which strangely enough this time is being led by Nick. It starts off on track, but then slowly veers away as Nick goes on about love songs and egg yolk, bringing us to the end of the episode (finally).

The Box

The episode begins with Schmidt entering the kitchen moping around, as he's finally accepted that what happened with Cece and Elizabeth was actually his fault and not everybody else's. He then goes on to ask if Winston, Nick and Jess think he's a good person, receiving all-round resounding no's. This seems to send him into some identity crisis as he storms out of the room without so much as a goodbye. Everything in the kitchen is interrupted, as they get someone knocking on the door asking if Nick Miller is around. Of course, they all seem suspicious, planning to make a getaway, before the man states that he's with Nick's late father's estate, and is there to deliver a package. Then low and behold, inside a scrunched up paper bag is 8,000 dollars (cue the title sequence). 

Nick seems to be putting the money to use instantly, taking a trip to the mall with Jess and Winston, and buying pretty much everything they sell (including a massage chair and shoes that aren't his size). Of course, Jess feels that she should say something about it, but Winston advises her not to, as money can often be a touchy subject for Nick. In fact, Nick owes Winston $1,900, and he doesn't know how to go about getting it back. Jess being Jess suggests that he simply ask for the money like a normal person, but oh no, this is too easy for Winston, as he settles on some maniacal laughing. 

Back in the loft, Jess tries to calmly suggest to Nick that he should put his money in a bank. He doesn't really go along with that, stating that a bank is just 'a paper bag with fancier walls' and that he wants to keep his money where his mouth is, which is under his nose. Nick then walks over and whips out a cardboard box which contains a bunch of bills that he hasn't paid, referred to as 'The Box'. Understandably, Jess seems kind of concerned about this, and makes her second suggestion of the evening, urging him that maybe he should consider using the money he got to pay his bills. But no, let's not do a Redfoo and get ridiculous, why would Nick want to do that?

Now we see Schmidt lying down and having a little therapist session with his Rabbi, talking about his multitude of problems caused by the blow up with both Cece and Elizabeth, including his constant urination, depressingly literal tweets, and his recent emotional breakdown while listening to a techno song. He seems super confused because neither of the girls in question are Jewish, and doesn't really see what he can do to help, before Schmidt clarifies that he wants to be a better person. The Rabbi suggests that Schmidt should start thinking about other people, to which he replies that he already does- he thinks about what he can get from others, how they can give him pleasure, and if they have a 'silly little walk' that he can make fun of. Of course, this isn't really what the rabbi was getting at, as he then instructs Schmidt to care about someone else and put their happiness above his own, officially making it one of the times that Schmidt wishes he was Catholic, as he would be off the hook with a couple of Hail Mary's. As he leaves the synagogue, Schmidt sees a man who got hit by a truck choking on the side of the road, and takes this opportunity to clear his conscience and save the man's life.

Back in the loft, we see Jess on the phone with a random bank and asking if they accept cash, while she is possessively clutching onto 'The Box'. Meanwhile, oblivious in the living room, Winston is trying to bring up the fact that Nick owes him money, but failing miserably. Eventually, he manages to get it out, causing Nick to spaz out and accuse him of 'slipping out of the woodword' (because apparently woodwork's too mainstream) when people get money. Jess conveniently chooses this time to walk into the living room, as Nick states that she is the only person he can trust. She goes along with it, and agrees that Nick should go to the bar and blow off some steam. Of course, when he leaves, Jess freaks out and attempts to return 'The Box', only to be caught by Winston. In order to keep her secret, Jess agrees to pay the 1,900 dollars that Nick owes Winston, and he agrees to not tell Nick a thing.

At the bar, Nick is drowning his sorrows alone when Schmidt rushes up to him and announces the news that he saved a man's life. He says that now Nick is practically forced to admit that he's a good person, yet when he doesn't, continues to take offence. When Nick begins to go on this drunken rampage about how he doesn't know who or what anything is now, Schmidt once again makes it about him, and demands that Nick admit that he is in fact a good person. Finally, Schmidt gives up (not before judging all of Nick's lifestyle choices), and he leaves in a huff.

Next up, we see Jess starting a confrontation and asking if she can 'un-pay' some of Nick's parking tickets.  This doesn't really go down well. Despite initially going alone with it, the lady operating the desk basically brushes Jess off disregards everything she asks. We are then taken back to the loft, where Nick announces to Winston that he has seen the light, and has decided to give his 'fortune' away, willing to give Winston back what he owes him. At that moment, Jess returns to the loft just in time to attempt to stop Nick from going through 'The Box', but fails miserably. And just like that, the hoax is up. Jess is forced to admit that she payed some of Nick's bills, causing him to storm out in a strangely dramatic Schmidt like fashion.

In an attempt to once and for all clear his conscience, Schmidt goes to hospital and visits the man whose life he heroically saved. Keeping the small talk brief, Schmidt cuts to the chase and asks whether or not the biker man thinks he is a good person. Biker guy takes this time to get all philosophical, telling Schmidt a story about how the guy next to him got run over while at a lemonade stand for kids with cancer, and sometimes bad things can happen to good people. Long story short, he was basically getting at sometimes it's hard to define what makes a person good or bad. Filled with this newfound information (despite the fact that Nick basically told him the same thing in his drunken haze, but whatever), Schmidt bolts down the street in search of his Rabbi.

Back at the loft, it seems that Nick and Jess are finally ready to talk out their little money issue. Ever the peacemaker, Jess begins by apologising for trying to pay all of Nick's bills (because apparently, that's a bad thing now), but he isn't hearing it. It seems that Nick is still upset by the whole thing, and just wishes that Jess would stop 'trying to change' him. From then on its basically a debate over whose opinion is correct. Bank storage vs. Paper bag storage- who will win? Turns out, neither really do, as Nick the takes it to a more personal level by getting rid of random things that he thinks Jess should go without (sanity for the win). He starts going through her night peanut collection, and grabs a bunch of her vintage purses and throws them out the window, solving absolutely nothing. Sucking it up, Jess finally gives up (sort of) and writes Nick a cheque for the money of his that she spent paying his bills.

Now we're back with Schmidt, as he runs into a Bar Mitzvah  being held by his Rabbi. Not really caring about a bunch of little kids (or anyone apart from himself), Schmidt tears to shreds the saying that 'everything happens for a reason' and questions everything he's ever been taught about right or wrong, severely scarring the little 13 year olds in the room watching the display. Preaching his new winners and losers mentality doesn't really go down well with the Rabbi, and when Schmidt begins to question the Rabbi's dating history before dancing around the classroom, it seems to be the last straw. Just then, security guards come in to escort Schmidt from the room, and all that can be heard is a loud mantra of 'YOLO' being yelled before he is officially forced out of the room.

On the footpath outside the loft, we see Jess conversing with a homeless man who has taken a liking to her purses that were thrown out of her bedroom window. You'd think she's want them back, but no, she's quite content to let a stranger handle her possessions for the time being as she has a nice little chat with him. While revealing that he can now keep the purses, Jess receives a phone call from her bank saying that a strange man has attempted to start a bank account with a cheque signed by her and a paper bag full of money, and low and behold, when she arrives, it's Nick. Approving it, Nick and Jess then decide to talk it out once and for all. Nick reveals that he's finally come around and is happy to succumb to her way of living, and well, she agrees. And then, it seems that pretty much everything is set up and ready to go for Nick's new bank account. Now all that has to be done is to pay an $8 processing fee. But apparently, that seems a bit extreme for Nick, but he manages to keep at bay and not say anything, until Jess steps in and gives them a piece of her mind. She goes on about how processing isn't really a thing, and that it's just a way for a bank to get more money from their customers, before topping it off with Nick's quote from earlier, that a bank is just 'a paper bag with fancier walls'. After all that trouble, I guess the bank teller just wanted them out of there, and decided to wave their fee of $8.

Next up, we see Schmidt returning to the loft looking like he's just walked out of a severe punch up, revealing that he got 'beat up by some Rabbis'. But then, Winston finally gives him the pep talk that he needed originally, telling him that he's a good man who did a bad thing, and that it doesn't mean he himself is bad. Then to top it all off, Winston whips out a gold candelabra he bought with the money that Nick owed him, saying that Schmidt could 'illuminate his path and lead him out of the darkness', which turns out was conveniently engraved on the bottom of it. Then in proper New Girl fashion, the episode ends on a comedic note, Schmidt and Winston discussing how many times Winston had rubbed the candelabra and waited for a genie to come out, revealing that he rubbed three times while wishing for more candelabras.

And bam, that's the end! I think both of these episodes were awesome, and am glad to see that New Girl has got back into its groove. Just giving you a little heads up for what's to come. Okay, so the recap for episodes 6 and 7 will be out either tomorrow or the next day, and then the recap for episode 8 will be out on Thursday with episode 9 after it comes out on Wednesday (Australian time). And of course, the Glee-capss are coming as well, along with the Pretty Little Liars Halloween recap, and a bunch of other random little articles. Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my recaps for episodes that came out last month. Yay! Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx