My Ideal 'Wicked: The Movie' Cast

Blogosphere, hello and welcome! For those of you who don't know, a few months back, it was confirmed that the magically awesome musical 'Wicked' will be hitting the big screen relatively soon. Was I excited? Extraordinarily so! I mean, could the world possibly ever provide us with anything better than this? I think not. Of course, there have been quite a few rumours floating around the world wide web, one of them even suggesting that they turn it into an animated flick, however style, cast and crew have not yet been officially decided upon. So of course, I figured, why not give them a helping hand with casting and list for you guys my ideal stars? Intro complete, here they are . . .

Elphaba: Lea Michele

Okay, so I didn't exactly have to work hard to find this one. I mean, Lea Michele has practically cast herself. My decision is actually 100% bias free, because I don't think many people could argue that she isn't anything but perfect for the role. She's already sung a couple of 'Wicked' classics on 'Glee' and totally knocked them out of the park, plus there's no denying her physical resemblance to the original Elfie played by none other than Idina Menzel. So basically, all I'm trying to say is that her vocals are amazing, her acting is spectacular, she looks the part, and totally has the experience. All in all, an undeniably perfect choice.

Glinda: Megan Hilty

I know, I know, my casting is totally perfect. Megan is an amazing performer, and definitely fits the part of the bubbly, blonde witch to a T. I mean, her awesome vocal abilities and fabulous acting skills in general should be enough to nab her the part, but in addition to all of this wonderful evidence, she also actually played Glinda in the 2005/2006 Broadway production of 'Wicked'. Come on, that's one hell of a credential. Plus, her recent work on 'Smash' proves that she knows her way around an on-screen musical, so why not just whip up a contract and sign her up now?

Fyero: Jonathan Groff

I promise you, my 'Glee' bias is not seeping through at all with my decision making. I think we can all agree that the legendary J-Groff is an ideal candidate for Fyero. He's had a bunch of musical theatre experience in 'Spring Awakening' and 'Hair', as well as his fair share of screen time in 'Looking' and well, of course 'Frozen'. In the resume department there's no denying that he passes with flying colours, and if Lea Michele is cast as Elphaba, it's pretty much guaranteed that their performances will be fabulous. So seriously, why not just hire him already?

Nessa Rose: Anna Kendrick

Yes, yes, the excellent choices continue. Anna Kendrick is seriously a perfect candidate for this film! Let's face it, she was nominated for a Tony at the age of 12, has been nominated for an Oscar, and has recently become the queen of musical movie adaptions *cough* 'Into the Woods', 'The Last Five Years *cough*. So why not put her in this one I ask you? Plus, I think she could totally be an awesome Nessa Rose.

Boq: Darren Criss

Okay, so I know that Darren is the third member of the 'Glee' cast who has made it onto this list, but I'm serious, I totally swear to you that I'm not being biased at all! It's not my fault that Ryan Murphy is a genius and managed to cast so many spectacularly talented people in one television series. Let's face it, Darren would be a perfect Boq. At 5'7.5", he isn't exactly the tallest person on the planet, which totally works in his favour for the character, plus he happens to be super talented and awesome. He's had both screen and Broadway experience, and would without a doubt totally kill the role. So basically, what I'm trying to say is that you should pretty much hire him on the spot.

Doctor Dillamond: Neil Patrick Harris

 

How do I keep coming up with these perfect casting decisions? I honestly do not know. But yes, NPH is a legend, and would be absolutely perfect in any musical movie adaption! I mean, come on, he's hosted the Tony's about 5 different times, recently just finished starring as 'Hedwig' on Broadway, and has been prolific on both the big and small screen for over 25 years. You can't really deny that that's an impressive resume. Plus, I feel that he could totally smash the role! Because really, if anyone can portray a speaking goat realistically, I feel like it'll be NPH.

Madame Morrible: Angela Lansbury

Let's not beat around the bush, Angela Lansbury should be the Queen. Not even kidding, she is actually the best at life. I first got to know her from the hit series 'Murder, She Wrote', (which, fun fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen every episode of), and now at the age of 89, she's still rocking the world of the performing arts. She's won a total of 5 Tony Awards, has been nominated for 2 Academy Awards, and would totally kill the role. Can you even begin to imagine a more perfect Madame Morrible? I think not.

The Wizard: Hugh Jackman

  

My stroke of genius continues in casting Hugh Jackman as the Wizard, because really, wouldn't that be totally perfect? Not only would he be doing Australia proud (Aussies represent!), be he also has a ton of both film and musical experience in his favour. In addition to all of this, he already has been in a successful musical to movie adaptation, as he starred in a little feature film called 'Les Misérables' in 2012. Good luck to anyone trying to beat that!

Melena Thropp: Idina Menzel

Who better to play Elphaba's mother than Idina, the original Elfie everyone knows and loves? Considering she's played Lea Michele's mother before on 'Glee', this casting just feels right. It'll be more of a guest appearance than anything else, but personally, I just think it'd be perfect. Let's face it, who else could they possibly get to play the role? I think Idina's got this one in the bag, because come on, it would just be too perfect.

BONUS: Kristin Chenoweth

I don't exactly know how this could happen or what she could play, but Kristin must, I repeat, MUST be in this 'Wicked' film in some way, shape or form. If original Elphaba's there, we have to make sure that original Glinda's there for the ride as well. I don't care if she makes a formal cameo or if she's just cleverly chucked in the background, but whatever it is, it must happen, and it must be spectacular.

So that's about it for my casting. I know, you don't even have to tell me, my picks are absolutely spot on. I feel like I should seriously be a professional casting director, because there's absolutely no beating this spectacular, star studded list. If you have any alternatives feel free to comment, and if you don't, just bask in the awesomeness of my decision making prowess. Now, before we go, I have one final demand for this 'Wicked' movie. In the ending credits, to just top off all of the feels, there must, 100% be a song from the Original Broadway Cast played during the ending credits. It would just be amazingly awesome, and totally end the flick on an awesome note. Not that I'm trying to take over or anything, but I do definitely think that they should play a Glinda and Elfie duet *cough* For Good *cough*.

That's all folks! I hope you enjoyed this speculative post and totally agree with my casting decisions. And also, just a heads up, if it turns out that my dream cast becomes a reality, I just want to remind you all that you saw it here first. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

Oscars 2015: Best and Worst Dressed

Hello blogosphere, and welcome back to Teenage Fanatic! I may be admittedly a tad delayed, but I just couldn't let the 2015 Oscars go by without celebrating it in some way. What exactly have I chosen to do at this late date? Rank people by their fashion choices of course. The Oscars already covers judging people based on their talent, so I've decided to take the more material approach and ridicule people based on what they are wearing. It may not be the nicest thing to do, but hey, I need to get my judgement in here somehow. So without further ado, here are my picks for best and worst dressed . . .

Best Dressed

Reese Witherspoon

Reese may not have won the Oscar for the best actress, but she was certainly up there in terms of fashion. No doubt about it, Miss Witherspoon dressed to impress. I'm not gonna lie, ever since Legally Blonde, Reese has kinda been one of my fashion icons (let's face it, there's no such thing as too much pink), and tonight, she definitely didn't disappoint. Her gown was classy and elegant, and was totally fitted to a Best Actress nominee. All in all, a stunning ensemble.

Anna Kendrick

Damn, Anna Kendrick has just come in and slayed 2015. Don't believe me? Let's weigh up the facts. She was Cinderella in the nominated flick 'Into the Woods', she's the star of one of the most successful musical-to-film adaptations 'The Last Five Years', she's in the upcoming acapella extravaganza 'Pitch Perfect 2', and she was an integral part of Neil Patrick Harris' Oscars opening. Plus, in addition to all of this, she looked totally fabulous on the Red Carpet. Success? I think yes. I am actually in love with her look. It's pink, it's pretty, it's age appropriate, and she looks totally awesome. Can one ask for anything more? I don't think so. 

Jennifer Aniston

I'm just going to come right out and say it, I think this is the best Jennifer Aniston has looked. Ever. I mean, come on, she's just totally outdone herself. Can you believe she's 46? How does one look like that in their mid forties? Seriously, is she immortal? There are just so many questions left unanswered, but one thing's for sure, she looks fabulous. The style of the dress is awesome, and its neutral colour works super well with her skin tone. Overall, a complete success. 

Anna Faris

There's no denying that Anna totally killed it on the Oscars Red Carpet. She just looks so fabulous and elegant that I had no choice but to include her on the list! She actually looks like a princess, and I'm not gonna lie, that style's totally my thing. It's sparkly, it's pretty and it suits her to a T. In my opinion, this is a totally flawless look. 

Jennifer Lopez

Let's not beat around the bush, J-Lo was totally on point at the Oscars. Once again we see someone totally rocking a fairtytale ball gown, and Miss Lopez 100% pulls it off. She of course looks awesome as always, but there's just something so elegant and glamorous about this gown that I absolutely love. The colour of the dress is seriously almost the colour of her skin, so it almost looks as if the two are connected, and that she's just been covered in tule and glitter (you know, in the absolute best way possible). I can't stress enough how awesome this look is, and as a whole, it was a major triumph. 

Worst Dressed

Behati Prinsloo

I may not have any idea who she is, but I know that this dress is an abomination. To me, it looks as if she's been covered in black cardboard, doused with glue, and rolled around in wilting rose petals. What stylist would think that this is a good look? I do not know, nor do I want to. The style's wrong, the shape's wrong, and the pattern (if you can even call it that) is just unforgivable. Overall, a spectacular failure for Behati. 

Felicity Jones

She didn't win best actress, and she most certainly did not win best dressed. I'm sorry Felicity, but things didn't go well for you at the Oscars this year. The 'The Theory of Everything' star's look is a lot of things, but what stands out to me the most is that the dress is just confusing. I honestly don't know whether to look at the awkwardly high turtle neck or the horribly crushed satin skirt, but wherever I lay my eyes, they're sorely disappointed. The hair doesn't help things much, and all in all, this ensemble is just a mess. Sorry Felicity, better luck next time. 

Scarlett Johansson

I honestly cannot pinpoint what exactly makes this look terrible, however I know that altogether, this is not an appealing ensemble. Perhaps it's the Miley Cyrus-esque hair, or the awkward, strangely overpowering necklace? Whatever the reason, I know that this look is definitely not working out for me. The colour is almost tolerable, except that the excessive use of that particular shade of green makes it look a bit like she's the captain of Slytherin house, but nevertheless, it doesn't look like vomit or anything, so that's a plus. Besides that, I can seriously think of no other positive notes, so sorry Scarlett, but this dress is just a no. 

Solange Knowles

If you're the sister of one of the world's most successful pop artists, expectations are automatically sky high the minute you step out onto the red carpet. Sorry Solange, but you just didn't shape up. I cannot find anything positive about this outfit. I mean, first of all, what even is it? If you look to the bottom, the draping bits of fabric appear to be baggy pants, however the fabric hanging from the top seems to form some sort of cape. All I really know for sure is that whatever it is, it absolutely sucks. The colour is awful, the outfit's confusing, and it has absolutely no shape. Sorry, but no Solange, just, no. 

Naomi Watts

I hate to pick on a fellow Australian, but sorry Naomi, this ensemble is not a winner. I mean don't get me wrong, the dress isn't horrible or anything, it just isn't vaguely nice at all. The pattern and colours are just ugly and boring, and for some unknown reason, there seems to be a daggy crop top just shoved underneath it. Why? We do not know. Her hair and make-up are great, but aside from that, there's nothing nice going on with her look. I hate to be mean (kidding, that's a lie), but it's just a major disappointment. 

So you've now officially reached the end of my new, highly judgemental post. Hopefully you agree with my fashion opinions regarding to 2015 Oscars, and if you don't, well it sucks to be you right now. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

Annoying Female Stereotypes

Readers, hello and welcome back! Just in case you're oblivious to the world and haven't been on social media in the past week, I feel like it's my duty to inform you that last Sunday was officially International Women's Day. I'm pretty proud to say our school celebrated it and everything! We were all given purple ribbons, and there was a celebration in the library in which there were female speakers and everyone watched Emma Watson's UN speech promoting her 'HeForShe' campaign. So yeah, it's a thing, and I thought that Teenage Fanatic better get in on the action as well. So, to celebrate, I thought why not do so by not only entertaining y'all, but shattering a bunch of incorrect female stereotypes along the way? Bam, let's do it. Intro done and dusted, let's get cracking . . .

1. Girls aren't interested in Hardcore Academics

Well first off, let's define 'Hardcore Academics'. Unfortunately, most people are of the opinion that the really challenging subjects that attract all the intelligent people lie solely in the field of maths and science. Yeah, I get it, you're probably smart if you take Physics, but that doesn't mean you're not just as intelligent if you take Extension English, it just means you're different (and in my opinion, totally awesome). Secondly, girls are super intellectual beings. Yeah, of course there are some female idiots, but the world certainly has its fair share of male dimwits also, so in that department, we're pretty even. I know personally, I'd much rather spend my day writing a kick ass philosophical essay than browsing around in a jewellery store, so take that unfounded stereotypes. 

2. Girls Can't Be Aggressive

Sure, it's true that some girls stray away from physical acts of violence and look to playing complicated mind games as a from of aggression, but that's not the only way we solve our problems. I'll admit, I'm not exactly one of these girls, but nonetheless, they're out there. For instance, at my old school, I vividly remember that when I was in year 7, two year 10 girls got into a massive fight, and it ended with one girl bashing the other girl's head against a railing. Does that sound civil and passive aggressive to you? I think not. 

3. All Girls are Amazing Cooks

No, just no. I'm not gonna lie, I don't even know how to use my oven. I can use the microwave, but that's about where the extent of my cooking skills extends to. I just, I don't understand how something can simply transform from a bunch of separate ingredients into an actual meal, that just doesn't seem natural. And frankly, I'm not the only female lacking in culinary know-how, yet we still get labelled as fabulous chefs. I mean, I guess I'm kinda flattered by this gender stereotype, but really, you're just setting yourself up for disappointment. 

4. Girls are Scared Super Easily

Whether it's killing bugs or watching movies, there seems to be a myth going around that all girls are scared by very minor things. Now, I know that there are certainly girls who are afraid of freaky looking animals or super obvious jump scares in films, but you know what, there are boys who are too (although they're often too afraid to show it and choose to just bottle up their fear). I for one am willing to kill any bug at any time. Not even kidding, I killed a red back spider in my shower once with nothing but a piece of toilet paper. When it comes to movies, horror may not exactly be my genre of choice, but I can certainly handle the odd thriller flick. I know some girls who love that kind of stuff, and make it their mission to watch every slasher film on the face of the planet, so how exactly do they fall into this category? Answer is, they don't. Stereotype, you've officially been proven incorrect.

5. Girls are Opposed to All Video Games

I'm gonna stop you right now, just, no. I may not have that many video games, but the ones I'm into, I'm kind of obsessed with. Exhibit A, Sims. If I'm being honest, I spend about 90% of my holiday life tending to my virtual family alone in my pyjamas. And no, I'm not ashamed, nor am I alone. I know heaps of girls who love gaming, and I seriously do not understand how this past time is always only associated with males. Can't I enjoy virtually robbing banks and blowing people up too? I mean really, it's just offensive. 

So that's the end of my pro-feminism post! Hopefully you found it vaguely entertaining, and I managed to break down some super incorrect gender stereotypes along the way. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

'The Sound of Music' 50th Anniversary!

Blogosphere, hello and welcome back! Today, I bring with me exciting news that you have no doubt heard countless times before in the past few days. Yep, that's right, the hills that we know and love have been alive for 50 years now! If my mixed metaphors are getting a bit much for you, what I'm trying to say is that March 2nd marked the 50th anniversary of the classic musical 'A Sound of Music'. Let's face it, everyone loves them some Von Trapp, and if they say otherwise, they're lying to themselves. But come on, what's not to love? It's jam packed with awesome music, a fabulous cast, and some of the best and most creative home puppetry the world has seen. So of course, to honour the birthday of this mega movie, I've decided to find and list some of the lessons we learnt from Julie Andrews and the gang along the way. Without further ado, here they are . . .

1. Be an Optimist

There's no doubting that Maria Von Trapp is nothing if not optimistic. I mean, at the very beginning of the film she was kicked out of an Abbey by a group of nuns, which you know, isn't ideal, yet she made it work. Then, she had to go in and deal with a guy who made his kids wear uniforms and address him as 'sir', but did she falter? No. She handcrafted outfits made from curtains for the children and taught them how to be actual humans through the joyful medium of song and dance. I mean, you'd have to be pretty determined and motivated to change a family's entire lifestyle, yet she managed to do it with ease and a positive attitude. Come on, she even sang a cheery song about how much confidence she had. 

2. Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

Oh yes, we're going to take a look at the mistakes of one miss Liesl Von Trapp. I mean, I get it, Rolfe seemed all nice and decent, and she was only 16 going on 17 (not that I can talk or anything, because I'm literally that exact age), but he was seriously the worst. I guess she didn't know he was a full blown Nazi supporter when she met him, but perhaps the fact that he clearly states 'Hail Hitler' as some sort of weird greeting to Captain Von Trapp towards the beginning of the movie should have been a clue. Also, they're romance just happened too quickly. It literally took her one song to fall in love with this random guy who delivers her telegrams, and then she's all surprised when it's revealed that he's basically the devil (well not quite, but pretty close). You'd think people would've learnt from Romeo and Juliet that fast, young love never ends well, but apparently not. 

3. Singing is very Important

Let's face it, without singing, my life would be nothing. Breaking into random musical numbers is my thing, and there's certainly bucket loads of that in 'The Sound of Music'. When Maria finds out that the kids have no idea what singing is let alone how to do it, she is understandably shocked and appalled. Because come on, who doesn't sing super dramatically in their free time? But nevertheless, she goes on to teach them the magical art of song, and low and behold, their talent teaches Captain Von Trapp to be a decent human, and they go on to be a successful touring musical family.

4. Always Be Outspoken

Seriously though, for a female governess in the late 1930's, can we all just take a second to appreciate how ridiculously outspoken Maria was? I mean, it's just truly awesome. Sure, she was kicked out of the Abbey for it, but she also got a pretty awesome new life as well. She turned Captain Von Trapp into a person someone would actually want to be a around, saved the children from a life of slavery, and got a whole new family out of it. Success? I think yes. Maria Von Trapp, defying gender stereotypes with her opinions since 1938. 

5. Savour your Favourite Things

This one is plucked straight from some song lyrics, and I seriously think we should all stand by it. Not only when the dog bites or when the bee stings, but just in general. Yep, it's totally overused, but just stay true to yourself and all that jazz. You like what you like, and you should continue doing so without judgement. So just go forth and surround yourself with a few of your favourite things, and then you won't feel so bad. Please excuse me while I take my own advice and grab my dog, watch some TV and eat copious amounts of haloumi. 

So that's officially the end of the post! I hope I've inspired you to go out and watch 'The Sound of Music', and bask in all things Julie Andrews. So just go forth and climb every mountain, and ford every stream you can find! Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

Grammys 2015: Best and Worst Dressed

Greetings readers, hello and welcome to a fabulous new entry! Today, I'm going to once again become one with my inner fashionista and grace you all with my fabulous opinions. We all know that award show season is a very exciting time, and let's face it, the frocks are everyone's favourite parts. Is judging celebrities based on what they wear a tad superficial and go against what I should stand for? Yes. However, is it also super fun? 100%. Introduction sorted, let's get into the judgement . . .

Best and Worst Dressed

Best Dressed

Anna Kendrick

Considering that for me, wearing pants is about as bad as life can get, putting Anna Kendrick on my list really is a big deal. I know really that, in essence, it's just a shirtless suit, but it looks like so much more than that. She just looks so classy I can't even deal. Ugh, I don't know, it just works! It's perfectly tailored, and Anna looks super duper awesome! Maybe it's just my 'Into the Woods' feels seeping in, but I feel like she really nailed this red carpet moment. 

Ariana Grande

There's no denying that Ariana really brought it on the red carpet. It's fun, there's an element of sparkle, and overall, she just looks really fabulous! I don't want to be too bold, but I think Ariana might in fact be my best dressed for the whole night! Compared to last year, this is simply a masterpiece. Honestly, nothing I can fault at all. I don't think anyone would've had a 'problem' with this frock (I'm sorry, I just had to). 

Jhene Aiko

I may not know who this chick is at all, but I do know she knows how to dress. I seriously love this ensemble so much! It almost looks like it could be a costume from a production of 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' (in the absolute bets way possible). The bodice looks almost as if it's been constructed from flower petals or something, and we all know there's no topping that. It's just so feminine and pixie-like that I can't help loving this dress! Overall, a major success for Jhene.

Jessie J

Jessie certainly dressed to impress on this red carpet. This frock really is super awesome! It perhaps could've been too gothic if the adornment at the top of the dress had gone any further, however this ended up definitely not being the case. She looks sophisticated, and all kinds of fabulous, which is really all one could hope to achieve on a Grammys red carpet. Altogether, an amazing ensemble!

Gwen Stefani

Once again, someone dressed in pants has made my list! Either I've totally become overwrought with stress after starting back at school and lost some significant brain cells, or people were totally making pants work at the Grammys this year (fingers crossed it's the latter!). Gwen's already known for her slightly edgy fashion choices, so this not only allows her personality to come across, but just looks terrific. There's 'no doubt' this is a winner (wow I'm totally on a roll!). 

Worst Dressed

Rihanna

I'm sorry, but this just doesn't work. At all. I'm all for dressing up as a princess, don't get me wrong, but this is just ridiculous. Yes, pink is my absolute favourite colour, but somehow, Rihanna managed to make it look 50 shades of awful. From the neck up she looks great, but then unfortunately the entire dress looks like a gross, puffy lampshade, which let's face it, is flattering on absolutely no one. I'm sorry Rihanna, but you need to fire your stylist effective immediately. 

Charlie XCX

What even is this? I'm sorry, I just need a moment. I mean, I just I don't understand this outfit! Why would someone even consider rocking up to anything dressed like this, let alone the Grammys? Okay, first of all, the only people who can get away with wearing white suits are pimps, and secondly, what kind of dead animal carcass is she wrapping around herself? There is nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing positive about this ensemble. I'm sorry, but this is awful.

Madonna

I'm sorry, but what would posses someone, especially someone as big as Madonna, to come to the Grammys dressed as a Spanish matador/part time dominatrix? I understand that sometimes people like to take fashion risks, but come on, this was never going to work out. Maybe she thinks she needs to make a statement on the carpet, but this seriously isn't the right one to make. I don't even know what I can say besides the fact that it's utterly awful and shouldn't exist, because it's just too hideous for words really. Note to self Madonna, this really isn't a good way to get noticed. 

Ciara

If I'm being honest, I'm not entirely sure who Ciara is, and after this disastrous frock, I don't think I really want to know. Seriously, what is happening to the world? Who in their right mind would think that this is at all aesthetically pleasing? The answer is no one. Yet somehow, Ciara thought it would be a great idea to rock up in this concoction. She looks like a dishevelled creature who has escaped from the wild, and trust me when I say that is not a compliment. I'm sorry Ciara, but it's a definite no from me.

Joy Villa

Once again, I seriously have no idea who this chick is, but I certainly do know that she shouldn't ever leave the house dressed like this again. I'm sorry, but why? There's absolutely no way that anyone ever could like this dress. Occasionally on my worst dressed list I'll have outfits that split opinions, some people thinking it's hideous while others choosing to think it's 'fashion forward', but let's face it, there's no argument over this one, it's just horrible. She looks like a fish who's accidentally been caught up in a safety net at the beach, not to mention the little, matching head piece she decided to stick on top. Seriously Joy, you're not Lady Gaga, there's no getting away with this. 

So that's officially the end of my post! Hopefully you agreed with my judgement and possibly found some fashion inspiration. If not, let's just hope the worst dressed list was entertaining enough. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hello blogosphere, and Happy Valentine's Day to all! I'm not gonna lie, I don't think much of this holiday at all, but that doesn't mean I'm going to refuse the opportunity to grace you all with a new blog post. So today, in a slightly cynical fashion, to celebrate this day of romance, I've decided to list some of the worst and most embarrassing Valentine's Day stories known to man. Sound good? I think yes. So without further ado, may I introduce to you these stories from hell . . .

1. Cheesecake Dilemma

The first story is from somebody called Teresa Tree, and she says that on Valentine's Day, instead of getting the usual things like flowers or wine, her husband of 3 years got her cheesecake. Sure, that doesn't sound too bad, in fact, it actually sounds pretty great, except for the fact that she's lactose intolerant and highly allergic to eggs, soy and milk. They divorced later that year. Coincidence? I think not.

2. Used Ankle Boots

Nothing says romance like second hand footwear. According to Michelle Carillo, her high school boyfriend thought that purchasing some used ankle boots was the best way to go about ensuring that love is in the air. I mean, he even went to the trouble of coating them in shoe polish, how fancy is that? Let's face it, nothing says love like presents from a yard sale. 

3. Bad Chicken

Just a heads up, this story gets ugly very quickly. This girl's story starts off well when her boyfriend offers to make her a home cooked meal consisting of chicken stuffed with cheese and vegetables. Sounds pretty nice right? Wrong. After they've finished eating, he begins to feel sick, and spends the rest of their Valentine's night in the bathroom vomiting until about 4am. Wow, there's nothing like Salmonella to kill the mood. So remember boys and girls, the moral of the story is to always wash your hands when you cook chicken (and that's coming from a vegetarian).

4. Slimming Club Membership

I think we can all feel what's coming with this one. On Valentine's Day, Naomi Brash's date showed up at her door, no, not with flowers or chocolate, but with a slimming club membership card. Well this one pretty much takes the cake. I mean, offensive much? Really, word to the wise people, this is not a good move. Any bets on how long that relationship lasted?

5. Ironing Woes

Before we begin, prepare to lose all of your faith in humanity. In Melinda Cooksey's sad tale, she says that when she showed up to her boyfriend's apartment with a nice new shirt, he gave her an ironing kit as a gift, and promptly requested that she iron it for him. I mean, newsflash, this isn't the 50's, sexism isn't cool anymore. This really isn't a great way to get in the romantic mood. Understandably, they broke up the next day. 

6. Fast Food

There's nothing like the smell of a fast food establishment to get you in the mood, right? According to Denise, her boyfriend's grand gift to her was dinner at a fast food joint of her choice. If I'm being totally honest, that wouldn't exactly be the worst thing in the world. But wait, there's more. Turns out, he conveniently forgot his wallet at home, and therefore she ended up paying for it all. 

Congratulations, we've now reached the end of my relatively anti-Valentine's Day post! You can now all be comforted by the fact that no matter what happens today, it can't get any worse than this. Til' next time . . .

Annabel xx